7 Baby Products Great for Traumatizing Infants
It's not just a mechanism to block rogue urine sprays , it's a festive party hat for your baby's junk! We noticed they are sized so adults can wear them too, but you might consider not breaking it out at the next office shindig. You don't want your last name being synonymous with HR's "Penis Hat" precedent for inappropriate conduct. This product, previously named My First Auto-Erotic Asphyxiation Trainer , appears to be primarily designed to protect the baby's head in the event of shark attack. This is a dangerous idea. Not because it looks unstable or poorly constructed, but because its utility is too seductive. Once the parent realizes how freeing this is, it will never stop with bathroom breaks. Want to vacuum? Slap that squirming bundle of modern art up on a closet door for a few minutes! Not enough room for the groceries and the child safety seat in the car? Use those hooks on the bumper and make an impromptu side car! This is a great way to teach your children "I trust you exactly none." Think of it as a renewed umbilical cord designed to transfer shame instead of nutrients. Note: this product is NOT recommended for joggers. That's a mistake you'll only make once. Coming soon: Her First Drunken Bar Encounter and Her First Awkward Morning After. Collect all three! Tart Her Up, LLC. cannot be held accountable for any swing in sexuality associated with putting these on your son. Inventors in Japan are fed up with babies constantly making messes and never cleaning up after themselves. Introducing the baby mop, this leverages the all natural cleaning power of drool to buff your floors to a high shine. Please note that extended wear on carpet may build a static charge equivalent to licking a car battery. From the instant any man dons this apparatus he can count on deeper bonding with his child, getting paid 25% less to do the same job as other men, and being grossly objectified for his sweet, sweet ass. On the flipside, he'll probably never have to buy his own drinks again.