17 myths about female sexuality.Knowledge is power, and we can promote a healthier relationship with sex by encouraging a more open dialogue, teaching girls to feel comfortable with their sexuality and, most importantly, emphasizing that their bodies are theirs and theirs alone. But first, we're going to need to stop perpetuating the following 17 myths about female sexuality.
What is a virgin? The answer is actually pretty complicated. The common idea of virginity is focused on a heteronormative, male-centric definition of intercourse — that is, penis-in-vagina penetration. But this definition ignores LGBTQ couples, oral and anal sex, instances where it "didn't go all the way in," rape and emotional intimacy. The cultural obsession with virginity is more about keeping girls pure than anything else, and because the term begins to crumble upon close inspection, it doesn't have to carry such weight. There's no clear universal concept of virginity, and people should be able to define meaningful markers of intimacy for themselves. worn down throughout adolescence, and can be torn by everything from jumping on a trampoline, to horseback riding, to simply playing sports. Some women aren't born with one at all. Despite the fact that more than half of women don't bleed the first time they have penetrative sex, blood on the sheets has remained a signifier of losing one's virginity throughout history. The persistence of this myth surrounding a basically irrelevant anatomical feature has even spawned a market for artificial hymens and reconstructive surgery to "restore" virginity. More disturbingly, girls around the world are often subject to degrading, invasive virginity "tests" to ensure their purity. trans women are women, period. muscle tension due to nervousness. Blood usually comes from vaginal tissue tearing due to lack of lubrication and, ahem, inexperienced love making — not the hymen breaking. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy, really; maybe if we stop telling girls to be terrified of the excruciating pain of their first time, things would be a little more comfortable for everyone. "hot dog down a hallway" analogy to scare young women away from safe, consensual promiscuity. The truth is, women differ in size just like men do. The vagina is like a rubber band, and unless you're regularly getting down with fire hose, you should be fine. Similarly, having a baby will not "ruin" your vagina. Many women report feeling different down there after childbirth (the post-baby healing process depends on a variety of factors like age, the size of the baby and your commitment to Kegels), but we should really be teaching girls to accept their differences as normal and natural — not as new-found flaws. Women want sex just as much as men. This isn't some new trend, either; science is just learning to ask the right questions about female desire. So why does this myth of the undersexed female persist? It certainly doesn't help that women often are taught that thinking about sex is boyish or juvenile. Entertainment media also frequently likes to portray women as the more responsible party in a relationship (think: nagging wife, childish husband). The flip side of this thinking is the idea that "real" men should always have a voracious sexual appetite. But the saying "men think about sex every seven seconds" is just not true. Society's focus on young men's libido has created a sort of caricature of male sexuality, one that treats an occasional lack of desire or displays of emotion as not being masculine enough. And that's not fair to them, either. What Do Women Want? Adventures in the Science of Female Desire, their desire is "not, for the most part, sparked or sustained by emotional intimacy and safety." This means that, contrary to popular belief, women can most definitely have sex without getting emotionally attached. Studies of sexual desire have actually shown that plenty of ladies want casual sex more than the average guy, and many guys want it less than the average lady. Much of this desire appears to be socially conditioned, anyway: Gendered differences in desire have been shown to diminish over time with more progressive generations, in countries with more equitable distributions of power and when the perceived stigma of being slut-shamed is controlled for in female subjects. Moral of the story? It's a personal preference, and blanket generalizations aren't helping anyone. frigid wife plays off outdated notions of women who are too uninterested in sex to keep their men satisfied. But instead of lazily blaming infidelity on gender stereotypes, let's encourage a sense of personal responsibility. Besides, men deserve more than to be treated like animals who can't control themselves. exploit people's insecurities to make the most money possible. It's working, too: Hair removal is a $2.1 billion industry in the U.S., and over the course of a lifetime the average woman will spend an estimated $10,000 on shaving products. You should do what works for you, whether or not that means buying in. improve menstrual cramps, and some women even report having a shorter period overall when they get busy during that time of the month. Be warned, however: It is still possible to get pregnant or spread an STI while on your period, so don't forgo the condom. 20 minutes of foreplay for a woman's vaginal muscles to relax enough to be truly ready for penetrative sex. For some women, however, foreplay isn't the issue at all. Conditions like vaginismus and vulvodynia are very real, albeit unfortunately not very well known. The result is that many women suffering from these conditions don't realize that there is help available. If sex hurts, it's worth finding a specialist who can talk you through your options.